Myself and Pete have just come back from a few ‘wee’ days in Bonny Scotland.

Notice what I did there? Although we have been to Scotland before and had a bad experience with a hotel, we thought that we’d take a chance and try a different hotel, which as it happens was much better, even though as we were travelling up to Scotland.

I’d imagined our room to be overlooking the loch that the hotel was facing. I could sit in my comfortable winged chair, sipping my coffee on a morning just relaxing and gazing out at the wonderful view.

But unfortunately, my view wasn’t quite as wonderful as I’d expected. It wasn’t a view of the loch. It wasn’t even a view of the gardens, nor the woodland.

No, it was a view of a wall! Yes, a wall! Well, never mind, I thought. We only get showered and sleep in our room, sleep…

Sleep? Did I actually say sleep? Oh no, there was none of that for the first three nights because of the clicking sound that seemed to kick in around 12.30am every night.

At first, I thought it was those in the room next door flicking on a light switch, but who needs to put a light switch on every 15 minutes?

It bugged me to death. Of course, I did eventually find out on the last night that it was a timer for the bathroom radiator. Why are these gadgets so annoying?

So was our table waiter who was like Speedy Gonzales, flying up and down the dining area like he was on some kind of speed. No sooner had we put our last mouthful of the starter in our mouths, he whipped our plates away and put down our main course.

One night he was dashing around so much that poor Pete was nearly wearing his soup instead of eating it. Our coach driver, Mick, was very informative though and told and showed us lots of things as we were travelling along.

Such things like the small island where the monks used to live and now it’s a nudist colony. Just imagine if the monks still lived there, that would be interesting.

And the restaurant that opens its doors to the general public through the week but oh, on Saturdays, it opens its doors to the swingers. Who would have thought that in such a small community those sorts of shenanigans took place.

Just imagine if me and Pete hadn’t been told and we had decided to get dolled up and go for a meal. Well, all I can say is that it would have been a talking point for years to come, that although he was very up to date on his information, I must admit that I could see a slight pattern emerging.

As far as the weather we were so lucky - every day except the day we came home where it was cold enough to freeze the bits off of a brass monkey were beautiful.

Now I understand that we were in Scotland and yes they speak differently to us in Yorkshire, but I have to admit that those Glaswegians are a breed of their own.

I had literally no idea what the hell they were saying. I did a lot of nodding, saying ‘yeah, yeah’ but I didn’t know what I was agreeing to or with. The swingers’ group could have been out recruiting - all I can say is it’s a good job that we left the car keys at home.