A WISE comedian once said: ‘Let’s call Christmas markets what they are: portable sheds selling a load of s**t’.
Which, let’s face it, pretty much hits the nail on the head. They seduce you with their tinsel and brightness but unless your money is burning a hole in your pocket, there’s very little that you actually want.
There’s always a pick n mix stall selling spice that is about 16 times your old Woolworth price, someone selling home made fudge with so much sugar in it that you’d instantly get diabetes and some crap ornaments made out of twigs.
But fast forward to this year and the Christmas markets have really upped their game. We went to the one in Leeds this week and it was crammed with lovely stuff – things you’d actually buy.
Mulled wine for a start (I refuse to call it ‘gluhwein’ because it evokes a taste of wallpaper paste) and joy of joy – a CRUMBLE stall.
Lovely gloves, fab hats, beautiful things – it was like being in Germany. There are plenty still around – so go and enjoy. Fill your boots and stomachs and watch out for those slugs of brandy you can add to your hot chocolates because they’re lethal. I had too many and couldn’t remember eating half of my dinner – and it was a fillet steak as well. Far too expensive to forget. Absolutely gutted. Hic.
After a week of not having our grey bin emptied (it has been now, thank you Barnsley Council) you realise just how important to the infrastructure of our lives bin collections are.
The bin men come when we are asleep, do what they have to and then disappear and it’s only when the system breaks down, we can appreciate that an empty bin is a thing of great joy (well, slight exaggeration – but I’m sure you get my drift).
We shall be tipping our lads – I hope you do the same. One team one week, the other team the next. Same as the posties – because they do a grand job.
And some of the conditions they have to do those jobs in, are to be appreciated, says me, sitting in a nice warm office looking at our postlady battling through gusty winds and torrential rain to bring me a Moonpig card. Christmas is a time for giving more than it is for taking. Remembering it more, invites the Christmas spirit into our souls.
For god’s sake – stop the vandalism. Stop it anyway, but especially stop it at Christmas. Nicking lights from public Christmas trees, deliberately cutting through cables and removing chocks to keep the trees upright in both Goldthorpe and Staincross.
What thrill do these cranks get out of doing something like this? It’s criminal damage and whoever you are (you won’t be directly reading this, because I doubt you’ve got the brains to read) just stop it and let people enjoy the trees and the decorations. And if you’re trying to dispel your own boredom, why not bang your head against a wall and try and knock some sense into yourself.
How lovely of Costa Coffee on Queen Street to open on Christmas Day and give free food and drink to those spending it alone.
It was the area manager Kim Matthews’s brainchild and just walking around Barnsley made her realise that not everyone will have family or somewhere to go on the big day.
I hope she is paid back by Christmas karma for such a lovely, heartwarming act of generosity.
Happy Christmas shopping everyone. Once you know what everyone wants it’s a doddle isn’t it? If only I did!
Don’t forget It’s the Book Vault on Market Street’s anniversary party tomorrow (Saturday) and I’ll be there at 10-11 in the morning signing books with giveaways for buyers. Do join us.
